Suicide

Suicide. Such a small word with such a huge meaning. What do you think when you hear the word suicide?? Death, sadness. Most people around here think of Ian Hubbard or Madison Fitgerald. I will admit I am one of these people. I remember the day after Ian left us. Walking into school and seeing everyione just sitting in the halls crying. I didn't know him real well but I felt for his friends and family. Then again just one year later I remember the chain text for Madi. Poor Madi. I remember calling our cheerleading coach to see if it was true and I remember thinking god don't let it be true. That week was horrible and I cried, a lot. And everytime I would hear "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus, the song that played at her funeral, I would cry and just think of Madi's sweet smile and elegant laugh.

I have had many encountors with suicide. Not me myself but through family and friends. A few years ago my step sister Britany was found with an unloaded gun under her pillow. She told us that the only thing that kept her from doing it was that she couldn't find any bullets to put in the gun. In April of 2010, my dad found my step mom, drunk, holding a gun to herself. He stopped her before she could harm herself and got her help. She has now been sober for 17 months. Then in August of 2010, my dad was on a cocaine breakdown and treatened suicide. He got help and has been sober 13 months now. All of these scared me. Made me worry about the people I love and wonder what was so wrong in their lives. Made me wish I could help them and hold them. But last night, on September 22, 2011, I held my little sister in my arms and begged god to not take her from me as an inknown amount of medicine rushed through her body. Was it one pill or twenty that she had taken? Turns out only six. Not enough to harm her but enough to worry my mother, my step father, and I to death.

Yesterday started so normal. Woke up, went to school, blah blah blah. Who knew it would end with my baby sister in a hospital bed. It was about 8 o'clock at night. i was just getting home from picking my fiancee up from work. My step dad was walking at a fast pace toward his truck so I asked himw here he was going. He told me that my sister had left and he was going to try and find her. He told me that someone had tipped him off as to were to find letters that my sister had written saying goodbye and telling us how she wanted her funeral. I have not read these letters but he had told me that they had intent and with her gone, no one knowing where exactly she was, her intent may have been for last night. And in a way it was. Once she was found she told us to take her to the ER. She told us she had inject pills. Originally she said about 10 tylonal and an unknown about of my moms prescription medicine. She was complaining about stomache pain. We all feared the worst. that the drugs were already taking effect on her. Eating away at her stomache. Once we were back ina  room with the nurse she admitted that she only took six tylonol and none of the perscription drugs. We ssent my fiancee home and sure enough the presription drugs were sitting on her nightstand just as she said they would be. The hospital watched her, ran tests, and brought in a professional to help. The decision was made that she could go home as long as she was supervised 24/7 and she had to seek outside help.

I hate suicide and everything it has already taken from me. I hate that I ever have to hear that someone I know and love had this or said this or planned this leading to their end. But my baby sister, I held her and I was so scared that I was going to be holding her body for the last time while it was still breathing. 

You aren't alone. We will listen. Let's start talking.